Nait has large feet. To better demonstrate how huge those feet are Nait likes to wear tapered jeans. Be they Levi's or Rustlers, Wranglers or Old Navy Nait doest not care about the logo and the message it sends on the back of his jeans. Nait only cares about the message he is sending with his ankles "I will not follow every whimsical fashion trend!"
Nait began wearing tapered jeans in 1980, the year he was born. His folks bought him his very first pair of Levi's 512's for Christmas that year and he has never looked back. When asked about this, Nait will dismiss the notion with the statement "My family didn't even celebrate Christmas until I was a teenager" When he does this just tell him that you understand. Then slowly walk away.
If you ever see Nait walking through a local thrift store, yell "HEY NAIT, THE TAPERED JEANS ARE OVER HERE!" You will succeed in getting his attention though he may think that they are coming back in style. For that reason Nait may ignore you and buy some boot cut khaki's. Don't be offended. Nait just likes being "ahead" of the fashion curve.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Sunday, March 30, 2008
#25 Falling Asleep In Places Other Than Bed
Most people enjoy sleeping in beds. Not Nait Rey though, you give him the comfort of a warm, inviting couch and the smile on his face cannot be removed. Nait is not limited to sleeping on couches though. Here is a brief photo essay of places Nait likes to sleep.
To acquire Nait's friendship tell him about how much you love sleeping while sitting up, wearing sunglasses on a couch. You will forever earn his trust.
To acquire Nait's friendship tell him about how much you love sleeping while sitting up, wearing sunglasses on a couch. You will forever earn his trust.
Friday, March 28, 2008
#24 Quoting The Simpsons
There are many ways that Nait likes to show off his uncanny abilitiy to remember stupid shit. All of those take a backseat to Nait's love of quoting The Simpsons.
Nait is undeterred by the fact that they show hasn't been relevant for ten years. In fact this just adds to the appeal for Nait since Nait really loves old stuff (see #9).
If you are looking to impress Nait say something like
"Now Bart, since you broke Grandpa's teeth, he gets to break yours." or
"I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman!"
Added bonus points if the quote is in no way relevant the the conversation you are having. Nait will think that you are clever and when no one else gets or laughs at the joke Nait will say
"Don't have a cow man!"
Nait is undeterred by the fact that they show hasn't been relevant for ten years. In fact this just adds to the appeal for Nait since Nait really loves old stuff (see #9).
If you are looking to impress Nait say something like
"Now Bart, since you broke Grandpa's teeth, he gets to break yours." or
"I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman!"
Added bonus points if the quote is in no way relevant the the conversation you are having. Nait will think that you are clever and when no one else gets or laughs at the joke Nait will say
"Don't have a cow man!"
#23. Blacking Out
As mentioned in Post #17, Nait's preferred method of intimacy is cuddling. Girls - You want to hold his hand, he wants to hold your body.
However, "just cuddling" after a full night of drinking isn't as easy to accomplish as it may appear. Sometimes a former ladylove winds up in his bed or he simply takes home the wrong girl and one thing can lead to several other things. And lets not forget, Nait's a gentleman and if he's only just met a girl he may not want to meet all of her at once.
Nait's penchant for blacking out during alcohol consumption accomplishes his desires thusly:
1. Whiskey dick is the safest sex he'll never have.
2. If the girl gets aggressive, as harlots are wont to do, any belligerent or defensive act by Nait has a built-in excuse the next day.
Nait stands 4 kegs tall and can hold just as much booze but that doesn't mean he'll remember much more than keeping his pants on the night before. If you ever get in trouble for being foregtful and you're feeling down about it, talk to Nait. He'll offer up a comforting smile and many warm tales of things he can't recall.
However, "just cuddling" after a full night of drinking isn't as easy to accomplish as it may appear. Sometimes a former ladylove winds up in his bed or he simply takes home the wrong girl and one thing can lead to several other things. And lets not forget, Nait's a gentleman and if he's only just met a girl he may not want to meet all of her at once.
Nait's penchant for blacking out during alcohol consumption accomplishes his desires thusly:
1. Whiskey dick is the safest sex he'll never have.
2. If the girl gets aggressive, as harlots are wont to do, any belligerent or defensive act by Nait has a built-in excuse the next day.
Nait stands 4 kegs tall and can hold just as much booze but that doesn't mean he'll remember much more than keeping his pants on the night before. If you ever get in trouble for being foregtful and you're feeling down about it, talk to Nait. He'll offer up a comforting smile and many warm tales of things he can't recall.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
#22 Salt.
No, you are not misreading this, Nait love of salt cannot be confined to only one post. I mean, the guy really loves salt.
Nait's loves of salt resulted in him purchasing the Veruca Salt album Eight Arms To Hold You under the impression that it was a woman's real name. He then told his middle school classmates that he planned on marrying Veruca and taking her last name.
Nait's most common phrase from the kitchen while he is cooking is "THIS SHIT NEEDS MORE SALT" even though he has already used an entire pint of Morton's in the said soup.
Someone even once accused Nait of chewing salt like bubble gum. At this time, that rumor is unsubstantiated.
If you learn anything from this website it should be that you should always keep a couple hundred packets on salt in your wallet so that in the off chance that you see Nait and he doesn't have any salt that you can offer it to him. He will be pleased.
Nait's loves of salt resulted in him purchasing the Veruca Salt album Eight Arms To Hold You under the impression that it was a woman's real name. He then told his middle school classmates that he planned on marrying Veruca and taking her last name.
Nait's most common phrase from the kitchen while he is cooking is "THIS SHIT NEEDS MORE SALT" even though he has already used an entire pint of Morton's in the said soup.
Someone even once accused Nait of chewing salt like bubble gum. At this time, that rumor is unsubstantiated.
If you learn anything from this website it should be that you should always keep a couple hundred packets on salt in your wallet so that in the off chance that you see Nait and he doesn't have any salt that you can offer it to him. He will be pleased.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
#21 Salt.
Neither Chicken Nuggets nor steak or tator tots or shake and bake, none of these is complete to Nait without a huge dose of salt. Sometimes, in an effort to sound cool Nait will refer to salt by its chemical name, NaCl, rather than its common name, salt.
Nait has been known to add salt not just to every day items but sometimes to strange things as well. In fact, it is rumored that sometimes, after cuddling, that Nait will add a pinch of salt to a young ladies lips before he kisses them.
One of the biggest reasons Nait chose Buffalo for his mission to try and survive on as little money as possible without working was so that during the winter, when hungry, he can just go to the streets and grab some salt to add to his fish sticks.
So if you ever come across Nait looking confused in a restaurant let him know that you have plenty of extra NaCl at your table. He will appreciate your usage of slang and will join you at your table.
Nait has been known to add salt not just to every day items but sometimes to strange things as well. In fact, it is rumored that sometimes, after cuddling, that Nait will add a pinch of salt to a young ladies lips before he kisses them.
One of the biggest reasons Nait chose Buffalo for his mission to try and survive on as little money as possible without working was so that during the winter, when hungry, he can just go to the streets and grab some salt to add to his fish sticks.
So if you ever come across Nait looking confused in a restaurant let him know that you have plenty of extra NaCl at your table. He will appreciate your usage of slang and will join you at your table.
Friday, March 21, 2008
# 20 Using Too Much Toilet Paper.
Like most humans, from time to time, Nait Rey has to take a shit. No shame in that. We all do it. No big deal, right? Well, not exactly. Nait has a tendency to use far more toilet paper than the average adult male.
For some reason it is believed that Nait takes great pride in this act of disrespect towards roommates. Past roommates have even gone so far as to buy rolls that are labeled "Twice The Length Of Your Average Roll". Sadly, this does not seem to do any good. It is almost as if the more toilet paper available the more that gets used! Past instances of this being brought up to Nait have resulted in him saying "When it is twice as long that means half as thick!".
So if you have made a posting on craig's list looking for a prospective roommate in the greater Portland area it is suggested that you ask them their toilet paper using habits. If they respond with the answer of "average" feel safe with having them move into your home. Though if they respond in any other fashion it is suggested that you purchase a copy of Baseball Prospectus 2008 and study up. You will need to know what Yadier Molina's expected EQA+ is for this upcoming season.
For some reason it is believed that Nait takes great pride in this act of disrespect towards roommates. Past roommates have even gone so far as to buy rolls that are labeled "Twice The Length Of Your Average Roll". Sadly, this does not seem to do any good. It is almost as if the more toilet paper available the more that gets used! Past instances of this being brought up to Nait have resulted in him saying "When it is twice as long that means half as thick!".
So if you have made a posting on craig's list looking for a prospective roommate in the greater Portland area it is suggested that you ask them their toilet paper using habits. If they respond with the answer of "average" feel safe with having them move into your home. Though if they respond in any other fashion it is suggested that you purchase a copy of Baseball Prospectus 2008 and study up. You will need to know what Yadier Molina's expected EQA+ is for this upcoming season.
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