You wouldn't know it by looking at him but nothing gets Nait's engine revving more than checking out such websites like "Perez Hilton", "The Superficial" and "TMZ".
Brad and Angelina getting married? You bet that Nait has an opinion. Kate and Owen. Oh.My. God. Nait CANNOT believe that they are getting back together. Matt Leinhart and Nick Lachey hanging out with slutty eighteen year old girls, well, actually, Nait thinks that is pretty cool.
If you are even looking to get Nait really riled up talk to him about how you think Brittany is a "total physco slut". This will enrage Nait to no end. It is a well known fact that Nait actually loves Brittany Spears. Tell him that you were joking or feel his wrath.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Saturday, April 5, 2008
#29 Doing Nothing.
Nait is so steadfast in his desire to do nothing that he even started a website devoted to documenting his efforts to do just that; nothing!
During Nait's most recent Buffalo residency if you were to ask Nait to go for a hike, he would would respond with a polite, "Sorry, but I can't do anything". Or if you asked Nait if he would be interested in playing a game of strat-o-matic baseball he would come back with a "I'd love to but I have a lot of nothing planned". Nait adheres to these rules very stricly as evidenced here and when he does do stuff he goes out of his way to forget it as shown here.
There are obvious exceptions to this rule though. It is suggested that if you must ask Nait to do something that you ask him to join you on a bike ride. He MIGHT say yes to that.
During Nait's most recent Buffalo residency if you were to ask Nait to go for a hike, he would would respond with a polite, "Sorry, but I can't do anything". Or if you asked Nait if he would be interested in playing a game of strat-o-matic baseball he would come back with a "I'd love to but I have a lot of nothing planned". Nait adheres to these rules very stricly as evidenced here and when he does do stuff he goes out of his way to forget it as shown here.
There are obvious exceptions to this rule though. It is suggested that if you must ask Nait to do something that you ask him to join you on a bike ride. He MIGHT say yes to that.
#28 Making Soup.
When you live on a limited budget your food options are somewhat limited. You are unable to dine upon fine filet's six days a week with luxurious lobsters on the seventh. This is one of the main reason's Nait loves soup.
It is a little known fact that when you pinch pennies together hard enough it actually creates soup. When you pinch pennies from 1973 you get chicken noodle. When you pinch pennies from 2007 you get asparagus brie and pennies from 1956 you get chili. Needless to say Nait prefers to pinch older pennies.
When approaching Nait if you mention that you have some turkey bones that you don't know what to do with he will drone on for hours about how to make a good soup. You will be pleased.
It is a little known fact that when you pinch pennies together hard enough it actually creates soup. When you pinch pennies from 1973 you get chicken noodle. When you pinch pennies from 2007 you get asparagus brie and pennies from 1956 you get chili. Needless to say Nait prefers to pinch older pennies.
When approaching Nait if you mention that you have some turkey bones that you don't know what to do with he will drone on for hours about how to make a good soup. You will be pleased.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Monday, March 31, 2008
#26 Tapered Jeans.
Nait has large feet. To better demonstrate how huge those feet are Nait likes to wear tapered jeans. Be they Levi's or Rustlers, Wranglers or Old Navy Nait doest not care about the logo and the message it sends on the back of his jeans. Nait only cares about the message he is sending with his ankles "I will not follow every whimsical fashion trend!"
Nait began wearing tapered jeans in 1980, the year he was born. His folks bought him his very first pair of Levi's 512's for Christmas that year and he has never looked back. When asked about this, Nait will dismiss the notion with the statement "My family didn't even celebrate Christmas until I was a teenager" When he does this just tell him that you understand. Then slowly walk away.
If you ever see Nait walking through a local thrift store, yell "HEY NAIT, THE TAPERED JEANS ARE OVER HERE!" You will succeed in getting his attention though he may think that they are coming back in style. For that reason Nait may ignore you and buy some boot cut khaki's. Don't be offended. Nait just likes being "ahead" of the fashion curve.
Nait began wearing tapered jeans in 1980, the year he was born. His folks bought him his very first pair of Levi's 512's for Christmas that year and he has never looked back. When asked about this, Nait will dismiss the notion with the statement "My family didn't even celebrate Christmas until I was a teenager" When he does this just tell him that you understand. Then slowly walk away.
If you ever see Nait walking through a local thrift store, yell "HEY NAIT, THE TAPERED JEANS ARE OVER HERE!" You will succeed in getting his attention though he may think that they are coming back in style. For that reason Nait may ignore you and buy some boot cut khaki's. Don't be offended. Nait just likes being "ahead" of the fashion curve.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
#25 Falling Asleep In Places Other Than Bed
Most people enjoy sleeping in beds. Not Nait Rey though, you give him the comfort of a warm, inviting couch and the smile on his face cannot be removed. Nait is not limited to sleeping on couches though. Here is a brief photo essay of places Nait likes to sleep.
To acquire Nait's friendship tell him about how much you love sleeping while sitting up, wearing sunglasses on a couch. You will forever earn his trust.
To acquire Nait's friendship tell him about how much you love sleeping while sitting up, wearing sunglasses on a couch. You will forever earn his trust.
Friday, March 28, 2008
#24 Quoting The Simpsons
There are many ways that Nait likes to show off his uncanny abilitiy to remember stupid shit. All of those take a backseat to Nait's love of quoting The Simpsons.
Nait is undeterred by the fact that they show hasn't been relevant for ten years. In fact this just adds to the appeal for Nait since Nait really loves old stuff (see #9).
If you are looking to impress Nait say something like
"Now Bart, since you broke Grandpa's teeth, he gets to break yours." or
"I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman!"
Added bonus points if the quote is in no way relevant the the conversation you are having. Nait will think that you are clever and when no one else gets or laughs at the joke Nait will say
"Don't have a cow man!"
Nait is undeterred by the fact that they show hasn't been relevant for ten years. In fact this just adds to the appeal for Nait since Nait really loves old stuff (see #9).
If you are looking to impress Nait say something like
"Now Bart, since you broke Grandpa's teeth, he gets to break yours." or
"I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman!"
Added bonus points if the quote is in no way relevant the the conversation you are having. Nait will think that you are clever and when no one else gets or laughs at the joke Nait will say
"Don't have a cow man!"
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